What is Attachment Parenting and Why Should I Bother?

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Attachment Parenting: Is It For You?
Is it possible to breastfeed your baby without practicing the art of attachment parenting? Sure, but once that tiny mouth makes contact, you may not want to. Attachment parenting (AP) encourages and honors the special bond between parent and child. What is AP, and why should parents follow its guidelines?

Attachment parenting is a concept that is often controversial, but it shouldn't be. The basic premise is that you can't "spoil" a baby by holding him too much, carrying him, feeding him on demand, or with any other form of contact. Babies ask for what they need, not just what they want; at this stage, a baby's wants and needs are one and the same. It's true that a baby who is denied attention when he cries will cry less often -- but what is he really learning? He is not learning to "behave"; he is learning that he can't count on having his needs met when he asks. Attachment parenting builds trust. Here are some basic guidelines for beginning as an attached parent...

What is Attachment Parenting?
As a philosophy of parenting, attachment parenting almost begs off having a name by its very definition. Also known as “instinctive parenting,” “intuitive parenting” and “natural parenting,” AP is fundamentally a relationship rather than a strategy, an act rather than a style.

“When I first began using the term ‘attachment parenting’ nearly 20 years ago, I felt ridiculous giving a name to a style of baby care that parents would naturally practice if they followed their own intuition rather than listening to the advice of others,” says William Sears, M.D., the internationally known pediatrician who originally coined the term “attachment parenting.”

Attachment parenting is a holistic style of parenting that emphasizes parent-child bonding. AP allows children to move through developmental stages at a natural pace, unhurried by modern pressures for “early independence” or separation from their parents and family. More and more studies are showing that AP strategies maximize children’s neurological and emotional development.

The Science of Attachment
The overwhelming theme of American parenting today is the fostering of independence, featuring methods that encourage the separation of parents and their children. Grandparents, pediatricians, nurses and daycare providers all have volumes to speak on the subject. Techniques such as sleep training, scheduled feedings and "crying it out" all focus on easing the burden on parents, integrating children into their parents' lives and schedules. To family-centered parents, all this advice can seem confusing and counter-intuitive.

The good news for "attached parents" is that there is now hard science to back up more intuitive ways of parenting. Attachment parenting (AP) is really nothing new. It's simply the art of responsive parenting, advocating techniques such as co-sleeping, babywearing, breastfeeding, bonding at birth and a belief in the language value of babies' cries. In scientific circles, this is known as "dyadic attunement." And while the majority of scientific literature focuses on the mother-infant connection, as noted pediatrician Dr. William Sears says, this attunement certainly extends to fathers as well.

Long Term Attachment Parenting
Are AP groups and ideas a thing of the past now that your little ones are big kids (or even – gasp! -- teenagers) and you’re no longer breastfeeding and diapering? Are you an attachment parenting graduate (or drop-out)? Attachment parenting is not just for babies – and you don’t have to stop as your kids grow older!

Obviously, you only get one chance for bonding at birth. Breastfeeding and baby wearing have their own eras, as well. Those days may be gone, but those strategies represent fewer than half of the seven keys of attachment parenting cited by internationally renowned AP experts Dr. William and Martha Sears.

What exactly is “attachment parenting” as it applies to all ages, not just babies? My children are moving beyond the breastfeeding, babywearing and family bed stage, and I want to continue to be able to give them the kind of parenting they need.... Jan Hunt responds: Attachment parenting, to put it most simply, is believing what we know in our heart to be true. And if we do that, we find that we trust the child...


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